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Тема: A summary of emails I have received

  1. #1
    Администратор Аватар для Ильич
    "Говорим про нас"
    Записей в дневнике
    Сказали 14,580 раз в 4,370 постах

    A summary of emails I have received


    I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the
    glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every
    envelope that needs sealing.

    Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same

    I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny
    Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258 time.

    I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
    the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
    participating in their special e-mail program.

    I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
    out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

    I no longer eat at KFC, because their chickens are actually horrible
    mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

    I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
    water buffalo on a hot day.

    Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
    forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five

    Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola; because it can
    remove toilet stains; and blood from accident and crime scenes

    I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the
    car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

    I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper, since the people who make these
    products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

    I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave, because it causes cancer.

    And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the
    microwave anymore, because it will blow up in my face....disfiguring me
    for life.

    I no longer check the coin return on pay phones, because I could be
    pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

    I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
    perfume sample and rob me.

    I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx, since they are
    actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

    I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our
    American troops or the Salvation Army. (Ok well who is the man ringing
    the bell?) hmmmm

    I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
    number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda
    , Singapore and Uzbekistan.
    I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my
    free replacement pair from Nike.
    I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus, since I now have
    their recipe.

    Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big
    brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant
    death when it bites my butt.

    Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I
    can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.
    And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up the $5.00 I found
    dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a
    sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

    Oh, and don't forget this one either! I can no longer drive my car,
    because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

    If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
    minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM
    this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back,
    causing you to grow a hairy hump. You will have NO sex, have NO
    friends…I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend
    of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's

    Thanks, thanks a lot!

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 1 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

    Троллей, как и тараканов, до конца извести нельзя. Избавься от одного, на его место всегда придёт новый; идиотов и социопатов очень много. Поэтому единственное верное средство от тролля - не вступая в перепалку "забанить".

  2. Эти пользователи сказали Спасибо Ильич за этот пост:

    TimourK (16.02.2010)

  3. Бронирование Отелей в США
    Circuit advertisement
    Advertising world


  4. #2
    Гражданин Аватар для Mikhail_L
    Сказали 136 раз в 83 постах

    Re: A summary of emails I have received

  5. Эти пользователи сказали Спасибо Mikhail_L за этот пост:

    TimourK (16.02.2010)

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